I pulled out an older CD of mine today while running errands. (Yes, I still use CD’s.) I quickly came to realize that the CD choice was not random, not of my doing….it truly was the hand of God. I don’t use that phrase often, so if I am using it….I am as certain of it as I am the sun will rise in the east tomorrow.
Here are the words that He began to sing to me today:
You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease
I trust in You, I trust in You
I believe You’re my healer
I believe You are all I need
And I believe You’re my portion
I believe You’re more than enough for me
Jesus You’re all I need (credit: Kari Jobe)
He sang to me the words that I am to sing back to Him. This “God” moment led me to begin to really think about “When Healing Doesn’t Come.” When healing doesn’t come in the way we think of, what do we do? What do we think? Do we still really believe that God is our healer, that Jesus is all we need….when the prayer for healing doesn’t come?
I’ve reached an age where loss is a well known, unwelcome guest into my life. I’ve lost people that I loved dearly. Some to the natural aging process, where it was so much easier to sing with joy as they entered life with Christ in Heaven. Others to tragic accidents, where you pray for God to show you how He makes something so tragic good. Then there are those losses where you have prayed so fervently for healing…..and the healing as we want here on Earth doesn’t come. Your heart aches. You trust God in his Holiness, His omnipresence. You trust God….but in your human-nature, you ask the question, “Why?” Then the prayers for healing in those, like myself, with a chronic condition. The prayers that you pray nightly, for years…..and the disease is still there. When the healing doesn’t come, do we stop praying for it? Do we assume God just didn’t hear our prayers? Do we lean ever more closely to His love or do we pull away in disappointment?
So, I am back to the song being played as I drive around running errands today. Is it that sometimes healing comes when we are sitting next to Christ in Heaven…and He shows us how He used that circumstance to fulfill His plan? I have to believe this is true. I have to trust that He is using every piece of our pain that comes when healing doesn’t come….using it for something so glorious, that my mind cannot even comprehend it or even imagine it. This is not to say that on some days, the sadness over loss that took place when healing didn’t come for a loved one doesn’t cement my feet into one spot. It is certainly not to say that I wake up every day singing praises for an illness…..I am human. There are days I do ask why the healing hasn’t come or didn’t come. Then, just like today, He sends me His words….to become my words.
I find God uses music to talk to me most often….He knows that music opens my heart the widest…..so He uses it. I’m thankful for His infinite wisdom in the matters of each one of us…..He knows me so intimately, that He knows what to send when He needs to speak to me the clearest, the loudest….in an urgent manner.
No mountain, no valley
No gain or loss we know
Could keep us from Your love
No sickness, no secret
No chain is strong enough
To keep us from Your love
To keep us from Your love
How high? How wide?
No matter where I am
Healing is in Your hands (Credit: Christy Nockels)
And this is today. In all of my weakness, in all of my uncertainty….in my sorrow, in my pain, in my joy, in my anxiousness….He is singing to me. Giving me the words to sing back to Him. What songs has He sang to you in your time of wondering? In your time of sorrow, when the healing didn’t come?