Forty-three years in and I’m still anxious….

Tomorrow is a big day.  It’s my first visit with Dr. Bastian with the Bastian Voice Institute.  I suppose I should be excited to finally be visiting a doctor that has multiple patients with RRP.  I suppose I should be so thankful to now live in an area with access to this level of care….but today…I sit here and nothing but anxiety is filling my heart and my head.

One would think after forty-three years of dealing with RRP, that at some point it would be easy.  One would think at the least the doctor visits would become second-nature.  For me, that has not been the case.  Maybe it’s just an irrational fear of something that doesn’t hurt…just extremely uncomfortable.  Maybe it’s some sort of PTSD that began after a perforated esophagus and a five week hospital stay that included a thoracotomy.  Whatever the trigger is/was….today it’s in full gear.

Tomorrow is code 31579 or “Videostroboscopy” day.  In office…..numbing spray…that’s it.  I’ll spare you all pictures and video…..but in a nutshell, a thin scope with a camera on the end is inserted via my nose and my mouth to obtain images of my upper airway and larynx.  As a patient with a huge gag reflex, this is not an enjoyable day.  I know it’s necessary, but today, I panic.

I Peter 5:7  Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.  

While I breathe, I hope.

While I breathe, I hope.

3 thoughts on “Forty-three years in and I’m still anxious….

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