Today’s post is kinda geared towards my RRP friends, but if you have ever had surgery….I’m confident you will either relate to a comment within today’s blog or have a funny story of your own to share.
First, let me say that surgery can be scary and it does carry risks, so today’s posting does not mean to diminish either of those, Today is meant to make us laugh….laugh at some of the processes and even at ourselves.
So, drum-roll, to the Kimism’s of surgery…..feel free to add your own!
1. What’s up with the 5:30 AM report time for surgery?
2. You can go all night and half the morning without eating or drinking on many days throughout the year, but you put the phrase “NPO” beside your name or in a voicemail and suddenly you wake up starving with the desire to eat a small cow by yourself.
3. Global warming does not apply to an OR room.
4. See-through sheets. (Ok, maybe that’s a tad exaggerated, but you know those are some thin sheets!)
5. No, I would not like to get undressed now. I kinda like my rear-view to be covered.
6. Fourteen people coming in at different times to ask the exact same questions. (I promise, I am not suddenly going to become a smoker, a drug user or pregnant.)
7. Hmm…maybe I should have gotten that pedicure this week after-all…..
8. I am not under the influence of anesthesia yet, so why must I travel to the OR or pre-op holding while looking up at the ceiling tiles?
9. Are you anxious? Are you nervous? Let’s answer that universally one last time-yes. You are fixing to render me paralyzed and insert a tube down my throat so that you can breathe for me. Oh and about the tiny fire risk from laser surgery…….who wouldn’t want to be here today! (Satire.)
10. Moving on to recovery……after one thousand bags of IV fluids, the bladder wins. You have been quiet and very still, trying not to anger the nausea man…..but you have to go..and now. You aren’t allowed to walk yet…even if you could it would resemble someone who had been on the streets of New Orleans during Mardi Gras…not a pretty picture (oh and remember that rear-view the world can now see in that attractive gown)………the dreaded bed pan. Nope….you try….just not happening. It’s honestly not surprising….we are taught not to “wet the bed” and suddenly you are being asked to do just that…sorta. Ok..TMI…but anyways…you know you are laughing right now…it’s true!
11. You want out of recovery…asap. So you will your eyes open. Please stay open. Let all the nurses see you are awake. (Should have brought in those toothpicks!)
12. Aaahh…back in the “room” or whatever it is called where you are. In come the nurses, aids, everyone that has a pass. (The eyes close now….you made it out of recovery.)
13. “Kim, Kim, we need you to get up and go to the bathroom if you want to leave.” Brain is thinking yes…great idea….any input on how to rid my body of the drugs floating through it right now so I can make that happen for you???
14. Sprite and crackers.
15. Phenegran, Zofran….give me all of the above.
16. Forgot one! OR room…oh dear. Doctor is a country music fan. It’s blaring. Mouth is wanting to ask if we can listen to classical or Christian instead…ya know…something calming..that allows focus. I am not sure your dog leaving, your wife cheating on you and your car exploding and being out of beer are exactly calming lyrics.
17. Thankfulness. You did it. You made it.
18. When will someone install a self-serve Valium dispenser at check-in?
There are probably a hundred more if not two hundred more…..but in a time where you just feel powerless….sometimes it’s nice to look back and find some humor in the process.
Finding joy in the yuck.