Cotton Candy Grapes… really……A wonderful food find!

CC grapes

Ok ya’ll…..grab that cup of coffee because these grapes will blow your mind and require caffeine just to digest the wonderfulness of the product!  

Last year, about this same time, I came across this product while shopping at our local Fresh Market.  I may or may not have tried one in the parking lot (yes, unwashed and I survived)….and you are warned at this moment…the first grape…that first moment of “WHAT IN THE WORLD” will blow your mind!!!!  Close your eyes and it’s seriously like eating cotton candy…minus the whole your teeth will rot and fall out and you will then have to gum your food part!  So, last year, I continued the trek to Fresh Market for these wonderful, God inspired grapes.  Then they were gone.  What!!!!!!  Gone!!!!  Kim quickly comes home after that horrible day and “googled” (Of course I googled!) to see just what happened to my new best friend.  Alas, they are only available about two months each year.  Are you kidding me!  Great sadness came over me…..and the countdown began to the next Cotton Candy grape season.  

Then it came!  The email I had been waiting for!  They were back!!!!  I alerted those I knew who had fallen in love with this product and this week, we now all have Cotton Candy grapes back in our bellies!  Life is good!  Now…what I didn’t know is this….I have a friend, who has a friend who KNOWS the inventors!!!!!  

CC grape CEO

Jim Beagles & Jack Pandol, CEO’s of Grape Grapery

“These plump, juicy, all-natural seedless green grapes are one of our newest varieties, and they’re one that everyone is excited about. Cotton Candy® grapes taste exactly like the pink spun-sugar treat you loved as a kid at the circus—and we mean exactly. Pop some in your mouth, close your eyes, and you’re that kid again! And here’s a bonus: these grapes aren’t sticky and loaded with granulated sugar like the fluffy stuff you munched on back in the day. But they’re just as sweet—and much juicier. This is fresh fruit you can snack on all you want. Everyone who’s tried these one-of-a-kind grapes has had a jaw-dropping, totally amazed, reaction. 

The amazing flavor of Cotton Candy® grapes generated real media buzz. National news magazine shows like The Today Show and Good Morning America gushed over these grapes. Bloggers like raved about them. Ryan Seacrest talked about them on his syndicated radio show.” From:

These two guys have revolutionized the grape world…at least to me!  I did a little research and learned they haven’t stopped with Cotton Candy grapes.  Witch Fingers…Flavor Pops…WHAT!  What I also love about this company is that the grapes are truly seasonal.  They don’t try to make something a year-round product if that impacts quality!  I love that!  Folks…fruits and veggies are not meant to last for months in a warehouse!  

So, by now, I know  you are sitting there going…oh my goodness…I must taste these.  I must have now! Grapes that taste like a childhood favorite fair candy…what’s not to love!  Here’s the link to the store locator:

Now…if I can figure out how to meet these folks and express my awe…..maybe my friend, Carole, can hook a girl up!  A lifetime supply maybe for being their biggest fan???  

That’s all for today….enjoy this long weekend….and don’t stay stuck in a moment!  See ya soon!




Dreams, Goals and the word “Happy”

lennon quote


My husband began his final leg of his senior year of college yesterday.  Two years of work towards completion of a journey started long ago is almost finished.  My son began his junior year of college a week ago.  Several friends have children starting their first year of grade school, high school, college this year and all of these Instagram pictures and Facebook status updates regarding these events and updates regarding fighting this or that life obstacle has brought me to today…..Goals, Dreams and the word “Happy.”

Did John Lennon have it right?  That “when I grow up” should simply be the word “happy?”  I hear the words coming out of my almost four year old granddaughter, and not a single word about her life or dreams has anything to do with money or material items-it’s simply “will you read to me, will you play with me, let’s go outside, etc…” No goal is too big, no dream too wild as our children enter the world of education ready to learn and simply have “good days.”  Happy days.  Where in the journey do dreams/goals get crushed, or do we become so focused on the paycheck or what others may think of our goal/dream that we forget to focus on “happy?”  Where does the phrase “you can’t do that” take hold?  

Back to the personal journey taking place here at Kim’s Casa.  Our family has always been one where you are told to dream….set goals so big that the world will think you have gone crazy.  Yes, you do have to be realistic based upon the talents you have been given by God and the work ethic that was instilled and somewhat genetically wired into you…but dream!  Find your passion and your gifts and let go of the worry of how big your paycheck will be down the road….life is about being happy-finding your joy so that God’s light shines through you.  Find what you love and figure out a way to create a living out of that!  So, here’s this fifty year old man getting ready to take that college diploma in his hand…’s this awesome kiddo working hard to carve his niche in the classical percussion world…dreaming big….not focused on all the “what ifs” but on the “Why Not!”  


You can scroll through Facebook on any given day and see post after post about “I can’t” or how this or that has “prevented” a dream or goal……and maybe it’s true…but it doesn’t have to remain that way.  We will not all travel to our dream/goal in the same manner and we will all certainly have detours that take us off that road and then we have to find our way back….but that’s just it….find your way back.  Don’t let life and it’s adversity keep you from finding your “happy.”  And don’t let another person define what your “happy” is.  

I have RRP….and it has altered what I probably had in mind for my life course…..but in that rollercoaster…there are still goals, dreams and my personal “happy.”  So, don’t let life or the world around you stop you!  If a fifty year old man who made C’s and D’s back in the day on his first college journey can be looking at graduating today with honors….if a kid who has taken a love of music and figured out how to make that his life path can find happy……if that kid who is told of all the things that they can’t do because of a certain disability or disease can go on to run a major company or become a doctor…..what’s stopping you or me other than you or me?  

Let’s get out there and dream big!  God’s that big…so why not dream that big!

matthew west.

Peace out for today…..and cotton candy grape post is coming!

Don’t get stuck in a moment….Kim



So that’s my voice……and the joys of coffee.

First, let me lament the FACT I ran out of coffee yesterday morning and am still out this morning due to my “brain burps” that always occur when shopping without a list!  So, what’s a coffee addict to do?  Why, venture into town in yoga pants and a tshirt and take advantage of the drive-thru—of course!  (When I say “into town”, that means a five mile drive each way….just for coffee…I  know…kinda pitiful.)  Now to the topics of the day.

So, the radio interview with Shellie Nichol on Amazing Hope Radio aired this past Saturday.  I am still shocked at how I actually sound.  In my head, that’s just not how I sound. I sound so clear, albeit raspy in my brain when I talk.   I honestly struggled to listen to the airing-I’ll comment more on this in a bit.  My wonderful, adorable, sappy spouse was there for every single word of it.  My Dad was at the house as well to listen.  It was so revealing to watch their responses.  I guess it’s easy to forget this disease isn’t just about the one carrying it….it’s about the entire circle helping  you walk through the storm.  I watched my Dad’s face and could see the sadness and the flood of memories of my childhood experience with RRP coming back to his mind.  I watched Lee’s face and felt the pain he carries over being so helpless in this journey.  So, that was hard.  I’m not on the flip side during surgery.  I don’t have to sit and wait.  I’m well off into la-la land and once the Versed is administered, I honestly am good with whatever is taking place.  (If I was an addict, let me just say….Versed would be my drug of choice.)  I don’t carry a parent’s guilt over their child being sick.  No matter what the disease is, if your child is sick, as a parent you somehow take it all on.  I’ve done it with my own children and I’ve seen countless other parents do it with theirs.  It’s what we do.  So, to see that on my Dad’s face was hard.  Below is the link to the podcast if you want to listen:

Now to my voice.  My first response about three minutes into the hour long show was one I said aloud-“Seriously, that’s my voice?  Why do people still call me on the phone?  That’s hard to understand!”  I think what I sent my sister via text was “you be crazy” in reference to her calling me on the phone!  What I did not expect from Saturday’s airing was a new found understanding to the struggles not of my speaking, but of those who try to hear/understand what I am saying.  I hope because of this, I will work hard to maybe speak a tad slower, enunciate my words a tad better….talk less and listen more.  (The later part of that sentence is probably something we could all work on! Just because we CAN say it, doesn’t mean we SHOULD!)

And then…I began to listen and hear what I was saying and to hear that no matter what….I’m ok.  I’m ok with not understanding this whole journey and I am even ok if a cure is never found.  I hope one is for all the young kids out there who have a lifetime ahead of them…but if I am not a recipient of that cure one day…it’s ok.  My life has been a roller coaster of events that I would never want to change.  

Speaking of a cure for RRP….this sweet adorable girl named Emma decided to start her own version of the ALS “Ice Bucket” for RRP.  Ya’ll… just two days she has already been the reason for many in the RRP community making videos and posting to Facebook in hopes of not only raising money for research, but also raising awareness of a disease that robs us of our ability to breath and talk.  Here’s her video on Facebook…she is one of SO many!  I’ll post a couple of links here to some of the videos and hopefully, you can view them and just see the incredible strength so many exhibit! Emma Morgan

I could list so many more, but these two give you a great idea of my RRP family.  

Now…….about the rest of the weekend.  Fast forward to Sunday evening and Lysa TerKeurst was in town!  Ya’ll….she has such a great way of communicating to women!  She was a featured guest a couple of weeks ago when I ventured to Women of Faith with a group and Cross Church brought her into town last night for a night of worship and sessions!  Her first session was “A Wise Woman.”  We had heard a shorter version of this at WOF, so I was already aware of the general story there of the “Wise Woman” in II Samuel, but Lysa did a fabulous job of expanding her message and going a little deeper in the event here.  What a great reminder of the message of what a servant heart truly is.  Her second session was from the story of David and Abigail in I Samuel.  Abigail was a woman that paid attention.  She was able to see her assignment because of that simple statement-she paid attention.  More importantly, she spoke to David for who she knew David would/could be.  What if we all did that?  What if we all paid attention daily to those little moments of God showing us assignments instead of going out on our own and creating our own assignments?  What if we spoke to others for who we believed they could be…..because we are all God’s children and He doesn’t make mistakes and He does have a purpose for each on of us.  What if we spoke to one another with that mindset?  Not for who we were…but for who we can be?  So that we can always give our “Best Yes.” 


Sweet time with friends at Cross to see Lysa!

So, now we are into Monday and my coffee saga continues as I am still out of coffee.  I don’t know about ya’ll, but I honestly just dread going to the grocery store.  Maybe I can get my spouse to stop on his way home from work??????  

Have a great one and don’t get stuck in a moment!

On the radio….insert disco dance here…RRP

Ya’ll know how this blog was something I fought for months before finally being obedient and starting it…right?  Well…..what’s taken place since post one has been nothing short of a  “God thing” and I’m amazed at how many folks out there are taking time out of their very busy day to read the musings of this strange, imperfect person in Arkansas.  

Here’s today’s blog…which is sorta an announcement…but it’s more about this imperfect person being so humbled that someone wanted to hear my story in order to give hope.  

On Saturday, August 23rd, at 1PM PST (that’s  3PM CST, 4PM EST), this silly gal from Arkansas will be the guest on “Hope’s Not A Crime.”  I cannot begin to express how much I enjoyed my brief time with Shellie as she guided me through the quickest hour of my entire life!  If you feel so inclined, listed below are the ways you can listen on Saturday:

  • (type in KFAX)

On the above you are looking for KFAX, AM 1100, San Fran.  If you miss the 1PM PST airing, it airs again at 10PM PST and will be on podcast in a couple of days!

Going public in this manner has been very exposing and a huge leap of faith….knowing it was not about me, but about what He wanted me to do…even if that meant leaving my little comfort zone.  

So….join us as we journey down my road and show just a smidgin of my puzzle piece in the great big puzzle He has created…..

For more information on “Hope’s Not a Crime” visit:

See ya’ll on the flip side of Saturday…and let’s never get stuck in a moment… time!

How fitting! Disco and duck voice!

How fitting! Disco and duck voice!

Empty Nest…it’s for the birds.

Four cups of coffee so far today and I could still crawl back in bed for a long summer nap…..but alas….I can never sleep during the day (Unless near death from the latest plague I picked up from the grands-AKA walking petri dishes….. or the shopping cart at the grocery store….).  So, today we are going to chat about the empty nest….because that empty nest is the reason for this fatigue today…or maybe it’s the food choices made while traveling ….but who doesn’t need a candy bar or two or three on a road trip????  We moved our son back into college this weekend…year three.  

Empty Nest is that season of life where all the birdies are flown off to college/life and you are left with empty rooms, quiet spaces and a much smaller grocery bill.  You know. that season you begged for as they were kiddos who couldn’t make it to the bathroom when they had a stomach bug, or the days they were screaming for no reason other than to hear the sound of their voice?  Maybe it was the day you begged for graduation to come quickly so you could take a bath in peace again….no matter the outcome…we have all been there done that on wishing time away during those super hard days of parenting.  And then it comes.  That day.  

I have to say that the first year was probably the easiest for this nest.  You get so caught up in their excitement over the entire process, you honestly don’t realize what’s barreling down the tracks at warp speed.  Every box, tote, shopping list is another adventure…a new experience to share.  The day comes to load the cars and off you go.  (In our case, the first year was a college 23 hours away…so most of it was loaded into boxes for Fed Ex or purchased upon arrival.) You arrive and it’s still honestly ok.  Your chick is kinda starting to freak out over the whole…wait a minute…this is happening and looks to you for those moments of assurance and confidence only the owner of the nest can provide at that time.  Life is still pretty rosy in the nest.  Unpack, set up, attend various parent events for first year students and then off to the house you go while the student begins year one.  Still ok….because for the masses, most of the kiddos are less than two to three hours away…easy to visit on weekends and such.  It’s like they are at camp.  (A very expensive camp!)  We had that version with kiddo one, but kiddo two was off to far away lands…..

And this is where my nest begins……prior to our last kiddo loading up boxes to begin their adventure outside of our nest, we had already experienced two summers of this kiddo being gone.  Far, far away…..he had played with BUTI in western MA and it meant sending him off on a plane for six weeks, with maybe one visit by us all summer.  Freshman year off to Boston University this kiddo went.  Home for the holidays was it….and maybe one parent visit up to Boston during the semester.  Hard.  For the sophomore year, a transfer to Nashville to Belmont was in order.  Boston, the city, was amazing.  It treated my kiddo well and in return my kiddo fell in love with all it offers.  A transfer was still the right thing in this season for him.  So, we go from a plane ride away to a nine hour drive away…..I was giddy thinking how much better this would be for this Momma Bird.  Fail.  It’s still hard.  And today, we start year three of the empty nest…..with our kiddo being gone all summer playing in the Aspen Music Festival, we honestly had about 48 hours with him in the past nine weeks…and then it was goodbye again.  I dislike goodbyes.  

I’ve heard people chat about how much they love this phase of their life.  I just feel unemployed.  My job was raising my kiddos….and that job, for the most part, is now over.  I think about what is truly missing in our nest now…and it’s those day to day interactions.  Hearing about this or that event….being a connected part to their world.  I am so thankful for Facebook, Face time and texting.  The world does seem a tad bit smaller than I am sure it did to parents twenty years ago….but it’s still an empty nest.  The bedrooms are empty.  The chair is vacant at dinner.  Your heart feels bigger and fuller for all that you see them accomplishing, but it also feels a tad bit empty over that piece not being there to say good-night to in person.  Empty nest-it’s for the birds…….

Don’t misunderstand me….I am beyond thrilled at this journey my kiddos are on in life.  I am so thankful that no dream was too big to go after….and that my last kiddo was so full of confidence and adventure that no distance was too far in order to make his dreams come true.  I cheer that part of the empty nest.  I just wish the other part didn’t go by so quickly.  In the blink of an eye…it was over.  

So, today, I sit here in full understanding of being told to “number their days” as they are few.  Then they are off to tackle the world in their own incredible individual way.  It’s just quiet.  I miss Spongebob blaring from the TV. I miss the unmade bed.  I miss cooking for my baby birds.  I miss all of it.  Being their Mom was truly the greatest gift God ever gave to me…and that was my sole job for over twenty years…..and that job is completed.  Contract fulfilled.  Year three has started and before I blink again, it will be time to pack up this last kiddo and make the move to graduate school…in a town far, far away again.  

Raising kiddos is hard.  There are days you dream of the nest being empty and all the freedom you will have.  The empty nest comes…..and you realize that those moments of insanity were some of the most joyous days of your life.  The days of what matters……the stuff that makes up life and the memories you store inside your heart.  

So, embrace that third cup of spilled milk on the new carpet…..cherish those fights between siblings that even the UN could not mediate….breathe in…breathe out….and know that the days are numbered and the last one comes before you are ready….and then it’s done.  

To my Megzie and my own Harry Potter….you are loved to the moon and back and back again…..and I am so proud of you having such strong wings!  

My Harry Potter…

facebook hug josh and me

Living Under an Overpass-Homeless

I honestly had not planned to blog until next week, but tonight I saw something that I had seen several times before…but tonight….he stuck.  

A little background for those of you not local.  The area where I live is an affluent area.  (I do not fall into that category…but I do live in an area of affluence…just several generations removed!!)  We are home to some of the wealthiest people in the world.  No..really.  Anyways…our is not an area you think of when you hear the word “homeless,” yet there he is/was.  (I’m sure one of many, but he is the one I saw.)  

At the overpass where two towns meet and the roads change names, there has been a man living underneath for several days now.  All of his belongings are there.  I have not seen him on the corner begging, but with so many “scam” type beggars now…would I have really seen him if he was?  Let’s be honest.  We have all grown so immune to the folks who have decided to make their living begging, we ignore those who truly need our help.  We worry about our safety.  We worry about whether or not it’s someone that truly needs help…..and the list goes on.

Here’s this man.  His entire life under the underpass.  Where is he from?  How did he get to this point?  No one enters life saying, “When I grow up, I sure do hope I get to be homeless.”  What’s his story?  Was it drugs?  Just poor financial choices?  Is he a veteran?  I worry so much about the later.  These men that put their lives on the line for  my freedom….and so many are on our streets.  

I’m told that if I see a need and I can meet it…I am to meet it.  Not question how that person got to that point.  My question is-how do you meet his need?  I saw him today….really saw him.  I didn’t look the other way.  For today, he wasn’t invisible to me.  I wonder how many others have “seen” him too?  

Funny thing is that while never to the extreme of living under an underpass, I do know what it’s like to not have a place to call home as a child and while always short lived… stuck.  

So, those are my questions for tonight.  Maybe he just got stuck in a moment.  


PS-In other news……and to lighten the tone….it’s almost time for cotton candy grapes.  That, my friend, will be a blog for sure!  

What In The World Have I Started!

The lightbulb moment when you realize you have so much to say, but are often limited in what you do say due to limitations both physically and well….socially.  Not to say this isn’t a bad thing, as keeping my mouth closed and ears open probably serves me far greater of a purpose than letting everything flow out of my mouth.  Yet, I do know that for some crazy reason that I do not understand, I have been led (after months of saying, no God, I don’t think so) to sit here typing my first entry.  Maybe there’s one person sitting somewhere out there that I am to reach….probably will be the only follower I have, but hey, what’s that they say about if you have just one friend you are richly blessed???  Before I go any further, let me add that if you are a member of the grammar police, please take off your badge when reading anything I may type.  I will likely type the way the words are running around in my brain, which let me tell ya, can be a very scattered place most days!  

So, just what pushed me over that edge to enter the world of blogging that I so don’t understand and honestly, avoid at all costs most days?  Was it a weekend at Women of Faith?  Was it a Facebook post on the RRP Support page by someone feeling so incredibly lost and angry at a God that would do this to her?  Was it sitting in a room full of people secretly wishing my voice could be heard?  Was it eating a tasty dish that I wanted to share with the world?  Was it my Mommy ego that wanted to post a picture of my amazing kiddos, cause well, they are…or was it the Mimi in me who had something to share about empty nest life, life with grandchildren and life with a child still in college?  I have no idea!!!  

My story is winding and ever changing……but it’s my story and my journey and if you find it to be something worthwhile in your crazy schedule, welcome!  I’m not going to sell you anything.  I may brag about a book or event or something that I find to be to good not to share, but this will not be a self-promotion site where you have to scroll through three paragraphs of sales to get to what’s happening on a given day.  That’s great for some folks, but just not my cup of tea.  

So, grab a cup of coffee, pull up a chair and let’s see where this thing goes.  For today, this is it.  Just creating this is such a leap of faith for me……………and I’m not that tall, so any leap is huge. 

I’ll try to do this a couple times a week, but it may be may be less….whatever I feel led to do.  It’s not about me…it’s about Him and what He wants me to use this for.  So, that’s all for today.  I think we may go to my RRP story first, but I need much more coffee to start that one….and well, it’s only been a one cup morning!  


“Don’t get stuck in a moment.”  


Two cups of coffee in…..

Today’s story will be somewhat exposing as I honestly do all that I can to avoid the topic and avoid being “sick.”  Yet, something tells me I won’t be remotely credible down the road if I don’t open this door to expose this part of me that is so much of who I am, even if I choose to not let it define me.

I have RRP.  Recurrent Respiratory Papilloma.  There. I said it.  I despise RRP.  I would say hate, but I strongly believe that we don’t comprehend the word hate here on earth. I pray that I never have such a hardened heart that I understand what hate truly is.  We use it so casually.  It’s not casual.  Ok…see…squirrel.  Back on the railroad track now….maybe hate can be a topic for another day.

My journey with RRP started at the age of five after several doctor visits to find out what was wrong with my voice and my breathing.  I’m told that asthma was mentioned several times, but due to a series of events that I have no memory of, we learned that simply wasn’t the case.  Memphis, TN at Lebonheur Children’s Hospital is where my story begins.  ENT visit.  ENT diagnosis of laryngeal papilloma (the common name at the time).  Immediate surgery.  Surgery one down.  Over 250 more to go..and still counting.  I don’t remember a life without RRP, but I do remember so many of the procedures as a child.  I remember the oxygen tent.  I remember the bubble gum smell of the anesthesia.  I dreaded the mask, and still do.  I remember the pre-op shot they used to give that was so very painful and how dry it made my mouth.  I remember the sore throats and that somehow jello, popsicles and ice-cream made up for the fact I just had surgery.  I’ve had procedures in so many places.  As a child, Memphis, Houston, New Orleans….all the same to me. Cold OR.  Pain.  Another surgery.  I was the kid called “Donald Duck” in school due to the sound of my voice.  I was the kid who missed sometimes every two weeks for procedures.  For probably almost fifteen years, the story was the same.  Surgery. Home. Recover.  Live life. Repeat.  Then, it all began to change.

After years of what started out as scalpel procedures then moved to CO2 procedures, my body began its rebellion.  Scar tissue.  Two words that took what had become just a routine part of my life and turned it upside down and around again.  Procedures became very frequent.  This time, the growths weren’t aggressive, the scar tissue was.  To maintain an airway, several trips to the OR to manage the webbing on my vocal cords took place over probably eighteen months.  I laugh now that I see the word manage and scar tissue even on the same page.  Scar tissue wins every single time.  Fast forward to around 1992 or so.  “Kim, we need to try a stent to see if we can keep your vocal cords open long enough for them not to web.”  “Temporary tracheostomy.” “Open procedure.”  I had grown so weary of procedures every two or three weeks, I said yes.  I had been married for about five or so years.  Seemingly way too soon to test that “in sickness and in health” part of the vows.  Yet, it was already in test mode and the test would continue far longer than anyone could have predicted at the time.  Methodist Hospital, Memphis.  I wasn’t nervous, probably more resigned to this procedure and too tired to even argue about it.  I woke up from the procedure with probably a five inch incision across my neck with two exterior “holders” in place to keep the stent suspended internally.  The trach.  This one was to be “temporary”, so hello Shiley plastic number 4.  I was taught how to care for the trach and sent on my way a couple of days later for the four-six week stent process.  What they don’t tell you is how to handle the public reaction to a very visible plastic tube sticking out from your neck and the secretions that don’t care if you are out in public-they are coming with or without your approval.  I retreated (something I still struggle with to this day).  I felt like a monster and sounded like one and had secretions that would rival those found in horror movies. Then it was time for the stent removal.  Two weeks later the trach was removed.  I had “my life” back.  It seemed to work, for a time.  Maybe eight weeks later, I noticed the change.  I probably ignored it for a couple more.  Surgery is hard folks.  It’s just hard.  The older you get, the harder the recovery, the more likely you will get sick…it’s just hard.  Regular procedure number…well…does it even matter?  This started again and carried on for maybe a couple of months when “the day” happened.  I couldn’t breathe.  The stridor was loud.  My husband came home and we made the drive to Memphis to the doctor’s office.  Emergency surgery.  “Kim, we can’t get a handle on this webbing.  We need to put a trach back in.”  Tears.  Nothing but tears.  To this day, I don’t know why my doctor at the time opted to place a metal trach this time, but I am forever grateful.  It was better. Not great, but better than the plastic.  My new normal began.

It’s been twenty-one years since the trach was placed that was “to stay.”  Imagine a delicate tulip with a large piece of rock in between its petals.  That’s my larynx.  Imagine trying to get that rock removed without damaging the tulip-that’s been the fight of my doctors for years now.  The rock remains.  It can be moved, but it is just stronger than the tulip.  So, the choice in my life now is do I breathe or do I not breathe?  The papillomas still grow and have grown below my larynx.  I never get used to the well-meaning questions of strangers, but I don’t grow bitter over them either.

I almost died because of surgery about twelve years ago.  I never feared surgery before then. Now, I do.  In a way that I cannot put into words.  I fear it.  I fear not waking up.  I fear the same thing happening again.  I know, I know…God says not to fear/worry, but I am human.  I fear.  I worry.  So, most days I put my head in the sand and try to ignore RRP and all it has brought to my life.  I don’t want to be “sick.”  I’ll never know what it’s like to sing.  Swimming, skiing, all those wonderful water activities are no longer part of my life.  I don’t have a “voice” like others.  It’s barely a whisper some days. This is my life.  For whatever the reason, this is my life.  Yet, and I cannot believe I say this when I say it…..I wouldn’t want another life.  Sure, I would love to be able to enjoy the water again, but this life has been pretty awesome.  I’ve had an experience where I know Christ was right beside me…..I’ve helped get others to treatment for RRP that may have saved their lives.  I’ve had two amazing kiddos and now I get to be a Mimi.  I’ve had the joy of this journey being with Lee.  To know that without any doubt, God sent me Lee is worth it in some odd way.  Lee has honored in sickness and in health to the very core of the meaning of that vow.

Do I wish I didn’t have RRP?  Sure.  To say otherwise would be false.  Do I want a different life? No way. I think knowing that God did NOT give me this disease, the downfall of man did makes all the difference in the world.  I’m alive.  I’m breathing.  For that, I am thankful.  Are there days that I am just tired from the effort?  Of course.  That’s life.  So, if I don’t talk to you, please know I am not being rude.  I’m just tired on that given day/time.

I’ve left so much out and I’m sorry for that, but this is a blog-not a book!   For more information see below.